I. B. Ayjed the Undertaker wears
a dark funeral suit with top hat
(a bit too small). He's like Stan
Laurel on his way to the
cemetery. I.B. sings the
you're-too-old-for-this-birthday
version of The Battle Hymn of
the Republic.
Don Juan de Tomaso the Kissing
Bandit wears a black costume with
a mask like Zoro and brings a
collapsing long-stemmed rose and
giant lips. He's a a card-carrying
member of the swashbuckler's
union of Central America. Don
Juan sings Only You.
Cousin Virgil the Hillbilly talks with
a deep southern drawl. He wears
big bib overalls and work boots,
plus he's missin' a tooth. Cousin
Virgil is a condensed episode of
Hee Haw. He plays the "Jaws Harp"
and sings the bluegrass version of
Home on the Range.
The Big "E" wears a black and gold
jump suit, has black hair and
sideburns, sunglasses. He vaguely
resembles a guy named Presley just
back from a long abduction
engagement with the space aliens
who cryogenically removed all the
fat. Sings Love Me Tender and All
Shook Up.
Chipmunk the Drag Queen has
flaming blonde hair, sunglasses,
hairy legs , huge falsies, pink-vinyl
coat, green dress, red fish-nets,
and more fake bling  than a
second-hand store. It's never too
early to look so good. She sings
Hey, Big Spender
Ned Venison the Great Orange Hunter, by
golly, has a head full of antlers along with
plenty of good old fashioned huntin’ stories
to tell.  He reminds you to always keep your
gun well oiled and your barrel out of the
mud.  Ned sings the birthday version of  A
Hunting We Will Go.
Vern the Nerd's entire costume is
mismatched with a giant pencil and all
kinds of goofy props. He's a cross
between Forrest Gump in an acne
commercial and Bill Gates without the
money. He  sings Happy Birthday with
the help of his giant pencil as the band
leader’s baton.  
Singing Telegram Characters
All telegrams within the Missoula area are
$65, which includes a bouquet of balloons
and a greeting card. Travel fee outside of
immediate Missoula area apply.
Customized ballads are $25 per stanza
with four-stanza minimum order.
Singing telegrams for birthdays, anniversaries, going-away parties or any festive occasion.
NEW! Little Old Granny So you think
YOU"RE old? Granny is so old her
social security number is 5! She
presents the official certificate of
membership in the I.B.B.C. (Itty-Bitty
Bladder Club) and hands off a certain
garment that assists in the dryness of
the wearer. She sings the Itty Bitty
Bladder Song to the tune of The
Beverly Hillbillies.